Dear Hope: My Friends Are Feuding–And I’m Caught in the Crossfire

By Gwendolyn Young

Dear Hope:

What do you do when you’re caught in the middle of feuding friends?   — Anonymous

Dear Anonymous:

Can you say AWKWARD? Wow Anonymous, what a tough position to be in.  The best suggestion would be not to take sides and remember you are friends with both of them. Some ideas:

  • Talk with each friend individually to find out their concern – remain objective.
  • Try to influence each friend to meet in a neutral location and serve as the mediator to facilitate a healthy discussion about the issue.
  • Ask each of them to not include you in the feud and to work it out with each other because of the enormous value you place on each friendship.
  • Refer them to someone else that can serve as a mediator.

It can be difficult to be caught in the middle when you’re friends with two people who are not friends with each other. Yet, this is a great lesson in balancing friendships, learning to maintain objectivity, and being confident enough to set some boundaries and help others work out their differences.  Good luck! VFP

This column is not meant to be a substitute for professional medical, legal or financial advice. Questions may be submitted anonymously or via pseudonym to, or Gwendolyn Young, M.A., C.P.C., is the Executive Director of Seed of Hope Foundation, a nonprofit girls mentoring organization based in Westchester, IL.


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